Disclaimer: I AM NOT A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT!!!!! THESE ARE MY OPINIONS!!!
So I know the other day was Vday & I hope everyone enjoyed it. Had my Valentine yet was a lil upset she was in another city at this time.
But I just wanted to type something thats been on my mind. What is the state of Love these days?? Im starting to wonder is love unconditional or is it conditional. If you know about my city of Hot Springs, its a semi-small city. But even in general for Arkansans, people often ask me Why do Arkansans marry earlier than other people?? I think it goes back to when Chris Rock said himself “People are only as faithful as their options”. I know this blog is not really about cheating, but someone have told me that Arkansans dont have much options for finding someone. Also that people just jump into relationships here because their either bored or desperate. Which lays into as a society, do we date & marry because its who we want or who we “need”?? Its like a rapper or a singer, sometimes there really is a difference between doing it for the money/fame & doing it because you LOVE it
I have a former coworker I ran into during Christmas shopping last year, found out he gotten promoted to assistant manager. Since sometime during 2009, he has dated a girl that we helped trained in 09. She has a daughter & I think after the 1st 2-3 months, not only they started to live w/ each other, they co-signed on a car together. So fast forward to when I ran into him in Dec 2011, he still staying w/ her, I asked if he was gonna marry her, he said no & he said he wasnt the marrying type. Also, last year during my 2nd job, I met this girl that was once staying w/ her now ex-bf for over 2 years & even had kids w/ him, now she finally has that apartment for herself & her 4 kids.
Even when we see celebs w/ their significate others, we might have to wonder is it for love, for money, or just for fame. When Kobe broke up w/ his wife, people was saying Oh Kobe cheated through all this. But if you noticed w/ Kobe, Tony Parker, Tiger Woods, and a few others, these women left when their careers and/or their teams start declining. So would these women still be w/ these people if they had championship years now?? We will never know......................
But my thing is that if you are in love & want to be w/ someone, make sure you want to be w/ them because you really LOVE them, not because you may need them for something. If you just need them for something such as being lonely, attention, or money, even if you get what you want, how do you know you want to stay once you get what you wanted?? Thats why you gotta love yourself & be able to do for yourself first.
Also, when you get w/ someone, its best to have that friend zone first. I've seen a lot of people just jump into a relationship yet they dont trust that other person but they STILL want to stay w/ that person. Now w/ having a friend zone first, You are able to build trust w/ someone, they will understand who you are & you would understand who they are. With the friend zone, you would understand each other's limitations on what you will & will not take, AND you have a better understanding if you want to escalate the friendship into a relationship or it they are a waste of time for you. Now if you are one of those that have gotten hurt by someone, maybe you need to have some time to yourself or even get some help so you wont have to think everyone is the same & you wont think the next person is just as bad as the previous, you have to remember God made us like his image but we are all different.
Finally, I think that too many of us are afraid to be ourselves, its basically having a rep for you when we first meet that person then the real person comes out when the relationship is solidfied. But I somewhat understand, for some people, you might get results you want faster when you being fake than when you being yourself. I know it might be hard, but would you rather have something wrong now or have something great in the long run?? And sometimes you gotta let love happen, bad results happen when you try to rush, and I KNOW that there are some people that rush to cover their flaws or rush to say to themselves that theres nothing wrong w/ them, if you are one of those people, you might have to deal w/ your issues before you jump into something. Dont expect to just jump into a relationship thinking the other person gonna fix your issues or be the only one to make things interesting in it. Dont have certain expectations for the other person that you cant meet yourself.
If I miss some points/things, this stuff is coming off the top of my dome. Overall, Learn to love yourself first & handle your business, and things will follow. If you gonna love, love for the right reasons, If you are w/ someone for the wrong reasons, its gonna show one day.
