Well..................

The holiday weekend has officially started for me, yet Just been a lil bored today. Been cleaning house all day today, my cousin wants to come & take a visit tonight, really dont know what to expect. Im deciding to spend the whole weekend w/ the family, yet my mom still hasnt decided what she wants to do, one min she saying Missouri City, the next she says Texarkana. We were supposed to have a reunion this time in Texarkana this weekend but because of my Great-Grandmother's death a month ago, they decided to cancel it. I just haven't heard anything from my dad's side of the family so Im guessing they not doing anything this year. It was in the front page of our newspaper that because of the storms we had our burn ban lifted in the area, so Im looking for the nearest fireworks stand to go to. But I do remember I have some fireworks in storage, some small wildcats.


But downloading more NeoSoul music for when I travel this weekend, here's one site Im getting some mixes from: NeoSoul Cafe

Also found this song, they said it was released in 04, but it was the 1st time for me hearing it:





Have a good one!!

Good Life vs. Perfect Picture

What is it that you want in life?? Do you have things planned or are you freestyling life?? Im in just one of those deep thoughts today. I know we want to have good things to happen in our lives yet I wonder at times do we actually let life happen or we so focused on making things perfect & look good in front of people, and when things are “suppose” to be in certain ways, as I mean of “Good Life vs. Perfect Picture”.

I know that a lot of women (and some men) want that perfect relationship, but the question is how much stuff are you willing to take to stay in your so-called relationship or family? You may want to be shown as the image of a happy family, boyfriend & girlfriend, husband & wife, but what about certain issues?? Maybe if one of you are bored in the relationship, one of you come out of the closet, or even one of you have problems being faithful. I know that some people may want to get married because they feel if they don’t get married at a certain age, they might look bad in the eyes of other people, I think that’s why some of those ladies act crazy on Bridezillas. Some people are even avoiding marriage counseling because it may reveal things they pretended didn’t exist. Two Examples: 1) In Carl Weber’s So You Call Yourself a Man, the woman walks in the house & sees her hubby taking a blowjob from another man. Instead of accepting he was gay, she wanted to stay w/ him, even offered herself to anal sex & say he can pretend she was a man. 2) In Chasing Destiny, The wife wanted to stay w/ her husband, even when the husband did not want to be w/ her & he made another woman pregnant, even their daughter saw that the man was a whole lot happier when they were split, but the woman wanted that family together, at one point she even said she would allow the other woman to see him if that family could be together.

Its not just about the male & female in the relationship, sometimes kids are involved. A perfect picture of kids is they are good kids, making good grades, maybe great athletes, and may even get into & graduate college. In reality, there are some parents that deal with kids that go away from being what they want, it ranges from different things, kids behaving bad, kids coming out of the closet, even kids in interracial dating. A key thing is that sometimes kids inherit bad spirits from their parents, and some parents act like their kids are not going to act the same way they act, in reality, some kids may pick up bad habits. Even w/ good parents, some may get mad because their kids go a whole different route

I am a big fan of the show Mad Men, although I didn’t start watching it until Season 4. In the earlier seasons, the main character Don Draper & his wife gotten divorce, their 3 kids stayed with the wife, the wife remarries. She now married w/ a man that will help her take care of her 3 kids, she could be able to recover & be happily ever after but there are 2 certain things that’s making her look bad. 1) She is in denial that her daughter is affected by the divorce, she blames her child’s behavior on the death of her grandfather and 2) Although Don Draper is seeing & being there for his kids as a good father, you can see she is upset because he doing very well w/o her, she wanted Mr. Draper to be miserable w/o her around but he’s not. That “perfection” that she was looking for is her & her new hubby w/ 3 good kids, and she was looking for the ex to have a bad life after the divorce. But overall, I know we all may want that “perfect life”, but there may been times where a wrench is thrown in or something unexpected happens, but sometimes its not what happens, but on how we respond to it. And don’t rush things in your life, if it in God’s will & timing, it will happen if you let it.

Tipsy Tuesday

Today was unexpected. Accidentally fell asleep last night around 8 or 9, woke up around 3:30 but got my running in an hour or so later. The strange thing was I re-shaved my head last night expecting to get a tan on my head but today it was raining. So I found out my cousin DC is in my city working for the nearby Walgreens, staying at a hotel on the other side of town, I mentioned in an earlier blog on whether or not she lied about the placement, she claim the job "made" her take the temporary placement in a smaller boring town. We were suppose to meet later today yet she hasnt called me yet on what she wants to do, she had a doctors appt today. I don't know, just have a strange feeling about it, like a gut feeling for some reason. I love my cousin, yet just hope everything is accurate on what she is telling me. I remember that I once helped her w/ some things while she stayed in Memphis while I was in school. A key moment was when I was on my way to Memphis to see my then-girlfriend for V-Day weekend, I went to Little Rock to just drop off my cousin's birthday gift, she was working late, so I got a hotel room & planned to wait on cousin, plus I was half sleep from getting off work. She calls me late after she gets off, and ask if she could stay at my hotel room for the night, she was telling me that her bf somehow left town & she didnt want to be there by herself for the night. When she got to my room, she was asking about Why didnt I have food, wanted money to get food, wanted to drink some liquor, use my laptop for "business", and other random stuff. Strange thing was she was out in the morning before I woke up. But now, she wants me to try to look for her a new bf because she is getting tired of the one she is with now, she claims she hates it w/ her present bf (a frat bro in fact), and she doesnt want to leave him until she found someone else. Overall, I can help her, but Its really not my job to set damn near everything up in her life for her. I can teach her how to fish w/o giving it to her. But I'll just see what happens..........might just take her to Happy Hour @ Oaklawn one of these days.

But as of travel plans, I don't really fully know. New bills have came up, so Im seeing about delaying my Houston trip for the 1st weekend in Aug, getting to see my family and attend the Texas Greek Picnic. Im also researching for my trip next summer to London, want to hit the highlights, mainly the basketball championship & maybe some track meets.

Almost forgot, You can hit me up on Facebook or Twitter, links have been embedded

Weekend & Reading

In a way, still tired from the weekend. I thought I was gonna go to that small biker fair & I was gonna take my lil sis, yet found out she was entertaining her neighbor's niece that just came to town & needed someone to hang with. So my sis got a chance to go to Magic Springs on someone else's dime just for playing host. So I did get some work done, but primary I ended up mowing the lawn at my mom's home. I was asking all this time if she wanted me to mow it for her, she keeps declining me & said she was paying another guy to do it & the guy really need the money, plus my mom is still paranoid of buying her own lawnmower because the last one got stolen a few years ago. So what happened was that on Saturday evening, I get this call from my mom's friend talking about using her lawnmower. I was confused because my mom declined me doing it, buy my mom's friend said she have been telling mom all week that she had a mower that my mom could use, and I didnt know they had this convo. So I ended up getting into my warmups ready to work, headed over to mom's house, and got the mower from the woman. I was halfway done when the guy my mom hired came through & saw that I was doing it. He said he thought he was doing it, I told him I was thrown off myself because I offered to do it for her, and she declined, now I was actually doing it, so I told the guy sorry & that I was doing it that day. I ended up finishing it, then my mom comes home. I was almost like Mom why didnt you tell me this?? but I was tired. I was wondering if she do this on purpose just to avoid telling the guy she didnt want to pay him this time & have me deal w/ him instead, she have done it before.

Believe it or not, I didnt watch the BET Awards, just didnt feel like it. I did finish another book this weekend as well, Carl Weber's Big Girls Do Cry. I've been a fan on Weber since reading So You Call Yourself a Man. Strangely, Big Girls Do Cry made me mad at the ending. In the book, the woman was having a problem w/ her marriage, and she finds thongs in her bed & in her couch that was not hers, so she instantly accused her husband (Leon) of cheating. Then later on, a woman approaches her house telling her she was having an affair w/ Leon. Later that day, She confronts her husband & he denies the whole affair & says he never met the woman. They do go to counseling but Things escalated, she ends up pulling a gun on him & wants him to leave. She then goes out w/ her gay friend to the bar & meets this guy there, and she sleeps w/ him. Later, she starts dating this guy (Mike) she knew from her childhood & they hit it off great. Leon is still coming around, he going & making progress in counseling & he still denying the affair, but the wife said she had enough of him & she wanted him to just go w/ "the other woman". One day out of the blue, a guy approaches her at a restaurant right before she leaves for vacation w/ Mike, the person was a detective, and said that her husband was innocent all this time. He showed her pictures of her gay friend paying a woman to pose as a woman her husband was supposedly sleeping with. At first, she calls Mike that things were over between then & calls Leon to tell him she found out he was being honest. But at the end of the book, although her & Leon look to have a happy ending, she ending up having Mike as the guy on the side still.

Why this made me mad?? If you go all out & accuse your husband of cheating, yet you later found out he didn't, dont you owe him something for that shit he took when you accused him?? He was innocent, but in the end, she became the cheater. And what I questioned was that when the woman told you she was sleeping w/ your husband, why didnt you call your husband right there on the spot?? Almost reminded me of the movie Obsessed, never even remember the wife apologizing. Maybe it just me, not trying to be sensitive, but it just feel like testing a innocent man's character, almost like some women are upset that a man did not cheat on them.

But Im just venting. Next book I got my hands on: Play like you mean it; Passion, laughs, and leadership in the world's most beautiful game by Rex Ryan, Coach of the New York Jets

Hill Harper’s Letters to a Young Brother

Gotten a chance to read Hill Harper’s Letters to a Young Brother, actually just finishing it reading it bit by bit, day after other day. Im actually impressed by it, giving life lessons through letters to a boy learning to be a man. What I liked about the book is that it tells of self-improvement, these days we like to blame other things on who we are & why we act the way we act. I also like the fact that he tells his own experiences as examples of the advice he writes. He mentioned that when he first went to Brown, he first was just focused to be an NFL player, he ended up taking a Shakespeare class to fill his schedule and his acting career started from there. But he tells us to live life to the fullest as well. Even when things & certain goals change, we should still be active & staying confident in ourselves. Every opportunity we get, even if its not something big or good, can lead us to something bigger in the future, so we can embrace it & be thankful for it instead of being mad at where we are at the moment. I myself have already been taking certain steps: I am now exercising more & trying to eat healthier, reading more books, making a change in music from Rap & R&B to NeoSoul, even researching to take the Series 7 Exam to be a stockbroker one day. In the next few years, I want to buy my own house, and in the future, want to buy property & retire in New Orleans. Things might change but Ill still be working for what I want. He does tell about dreaming & thinking big as well. I know people keep talking about greek picnics, yet I want to do something out of the original: Making plans to attend London for the 2012 Olympics, be there when Team USA plays basketball & track. But reading the book has also made me see something in myself; I have two things about myself that Im still embracing. One, Seeing things from certain angles. Sometimes I may see things that no one else see & might be odd w/ other people seeing what I say. I remember the other day on Twitter where I was starting to see stuff about Fried Kool-Aid, also seeing a sign for Fried Oreos while running, and I just started to name off random fried stuff on Twitter like Fried Vodka, Fried Jack Daniels, Fried Honey Buns, Fried Crunch N Munch, Fried Cambodian Milk, just quoted like what if I could be the Bubba of Fried Foods. Two, which can go hand in hand w/ the first one, I often like to express my thought, may just express myself more than the next man at times. I usually may tweet & update my FB status more than the avg man, but its just expressing my thoughts, Im hardly keeping things in. I might say someday off one day but its just me thinking out loud. I remember almost a year ago, I had this random chick questioning me about my education because of what I write & say, I attended the Univ of Memphis, actually planning of heading back to school to get my Masters, this blog is just what I feel & write, I can say some sophisticated stuff to impress, but I would rather keep it simple. But overall, just make yourself the best you can be, as well as making sure you live a happy life where you are actually working for goals, and if you not doing anything, you have no one to blame but yourself, so you got to get motivated. Thats about it, may read the Conversation in the near future.

Friday Update

Having an ok day so far. This morning when I was running, I lost my flash drive off my keychain. When I run, I usually wrap my keys around my hand. Then when I went back down the trail to look for it, it started to rain. It didnt stop til I got to work. But what ended up cheering me up was that Michael Jackson megamix that the radio station was playing, as well as a Texas-sized iced cinnamon roll. So as we speak, Im getting some backup files on my MP3 player until I got a chance to go buy a new drive. Whats making me mad now is the computer wants to go up & down on downloading times for certain documents (and music but dont tell no one lol), but with some, the download would freeze up on part, then would say complete when I know its not done downloading. May have to check this computer if its a firewall thats doing this.

But going running this morning, They had some stuff set up almost fair style downtown. Then I saw on the front of the newspaper that it was Bikers Weekend & they were going to have festivities downtown. But something caught my eye: Fried Oreos!!! Its the first time I've seen this, but If I perhaps trying it, Im going to run this off instantly. I also somehow saw that the local sex shop is having a tent set up, its covered all around for now, but I wonder if they gonna have some black pornos out there to sell lol.

But there was a story in the newspaper that I saw that I cant get out my mind. A woman has been arrested because she stabbed her live-in boyfriend, the news didnt release her age but the live-in boyfriend is 50 years old. From what the article said, she said that she & a friend was driving around at about 1-3am in the morning. He friend told the police the same story & even did a written/signed statement. But when the police talked to the boyfriend, he said that he was sitting on the bed, and she just walked in & stabbed him. So what happen was the friend first got arrested for giving a false statement, out on bail but could face up to 6 yrs in prison. Now w/ the main woman, the police tried to get to her, when they went to her house, she seemed to never be at home or would never open the door. They ended up catching her because one day, her daughter opened the door & the police went in & arrested her. They said that the woman could get up to 20 yrs for the stabbing. But maybe its just me, but you a 50 yr old man now living in your girlfriend's house?? Im thinking there may have been an argument of some type, she might have been tired of him. Im hoping by 50, I would at least have my own home to go to, married??? Dont know if its in the cards. But this is why Im neglected to move in w/ a girlfriend w/o getting married first, it may work, but it may not, but this is one of the reasons I want to get my own before getting into a relationship.

But Im out, may look for something to get into tonight.

Not Snitching??

Last night, I ended up watching this movie called Nothing But The Truth. It had an All-star cast including Kate Bekingsale, Matt Dillon, Angela Bassett, and a few other people. It was about this woman who worked as a journalist who gets a scoop & produces an article that reveals an undercover CIA agent. She promises her "source" that she would let their name out, but then a prosecutor goes after her & puts her behind bars for not saying where she have gotten the name of the agent from. With her as a reporter & believing in confidentiality, she risk being put behind bars so she would not give the name, while the government wanted her source so they can see who is ousting agents in the CIA. During the movie, you could see the people that was affected by her being in jail. Her bosses were behind her because she did her job & she was up for a Pultzer for the article, but she had a husband & son that was suffering, even where the husband strayed because of it. I didn't know who this source was until the very end of the movie, and when I saw who it was, I was really questioning Was it really worth it to go through all that??? This was a real good movie, dont know if I'll buy it, but it waorth the watch that one time. But it does bring up a major question: If someone you knew had a secret & you found out, would you hold on to it, even if it means torture or losing certain things in life just because you are quiet??

But yeah, today has been good. I actually have done some work for a management position at my job. They gave me some links to do some assessments yet Im having one link Im having problems getting into. But Im good overall. May be a lil down because the sun & heat was back out & realize that I'm about to run out of Gatorades in my crib, I bought 20 of them from the Krogers by my job at a discounted price about 2 weeks ago. But Im deciding to spoil myself a bit & cop this Reel People's Golden Lady album today, I know it came out back in April, but I'm just hearing about this group, heard some tracks before, so I thought the album would be worth buying, so Im checking it out. But let me get out of here, bout to check out this NBA Draft, want to see what Memphis & Dallas gonna do this year in it. Hopefully Friday I'll write something a lil longer.

Guess What??

I just feel good today, feel almost balanced for some reason. Im calm, not really bothered by anything, prolly because the sun not out today and I had a good breakfast this morning.

But I was just been thinking about some fad thats going on: Are men borderlining being gay these days?? Yes, this is a heterosexual male asking about this. But its just there have been things around me that me wonder do we try to do certain things w/o a label??

There are new phrases that have been coming up these past few years. Some that I heard was "Bromance", "Man Date", and "Man Crush". Maybe there are some things that dont need to be made into a noun. I may just use "hanging with" or "My homie". Also, what makes men want to wear tight jeans in public?? I thought it was a Cali thing, but Im seeing more & more of it in the south. My nuts need to breathe.

Growing up, I had at least 2 cases of men telling me it was ok to accept a blowjob from another man. So what you are saying that its gay for a man to give head yet its not gay for a man to receive it from another man?? I always thought any sexual contact w/ another man of any sort would be considered homosexual. And what happens in the prisons?? Is it where they go so long w/o a girl that they start turning to each other?? Remember the movie For Color Girls where Janet's husband was like "Im not gay, im not holding hands w/ another male, I just like having sex w/ men"?? *Riley voice* "You Gay Nigga!!" Jacking off must not be an option these days...............

Maybe I'm being too observant on this stuff, but Im just wondering are men actually trying to do as much as we can w/o being called Gay??? If you are gay, be gay, this society is not much blasting homosexuals, but they will blast you for lying about it.

Movies on DVD

So I was up late last night only because of that nap I took right when I got off. Looking for something to watch, ended up watching WarGames w/ Matthew Broderick. First time really seeing it, was boring enough to where I skipped some parts of it. I looked into the special features of it, and saw that they had WarGames 2 that came out in 2008 straight to DVD.

I never really understood the "straight to dvd" concept. Is it some sort of "get your feet wet" idea?? Or is it "The people who fell off from the Main screen"?? Some are good, yet most have been horrible. What also bothered me was that there have been straight to dvd movies that were sequels or spinoffs of major motion pictures.

Here are some key ones off the top of my head:

Stomp the Yard 2

All 20564738462 & counting Spinoffs of Bring it On

Belly 2 (What happen w/ them saying that Nas & DMX was supposed to do the sequel??)

Anything National Lampoon these days

Any Im missing??

But I really don't know.......................What is the system behind this?? Maybe the only ones I accept are the Plays, Comedy Specials, & maybe some Codeblack stuff. My favorite straight to video movie: prolly American Pie's Beta House, He Who Finds a Wife, & Diary of a Tired Black Man. But is it worth the time to get these types of movies??

My random thought for the day

Sleepy Monday

This day close to being over & Im just nodding off in front of my computer, didnt really have a good night of sleep, but still got up for workouts

Me & my sis got to run together for the first time early this morning, I picked her up & we ran downtown. First lap was good, was going through the trail in the woods. 2nd time going around, she got creeped out by some small spiders, so she said she wasnt going to go that route again because of them. So what we did was jogged on the main streets, she did aight, yet has some ways to go. She doesnt go back to cheerleader workouts w/ her team until late July so she wanted me to help her out w/ some workouts.

Yesterday was good, ended up going to my mom's house, cooked spaghetti & cornbread, good enough to where Im happy for those leftovers tonight.

So Ive been talking to my mom, its still in the air on whats going on for the 4th of July. Family was supposed to meet up in Missouri City/Houston, TX yet we just now finding out the main house that the family is supposed to meet up at, my Granddad's house, is in the process of being remodeled. So theres a chance that we might head to Texarkana instead. Also, if there is any more remodeling that need to be done, chances are I may have to be in Missouri City to help out later on, so its questionable if Im going to ATL later this summer. Just still getting to bond more w/ my family down there.

Keep hearing about the Fried KoolAid, and me being the type to play in the kitchen, I actually googled the recipe, hopefully I might even give a review later on what I think if & when I cook them:

Fried Kool-Aid Recipe

Ingredients:
- Vegetable oil (for frying)
- 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup Kool-Aid (We like grape)
- 3 eggs
- 1/4 of sugar (Want it sweeter? Add more)
- 1/2 tsp. of salt
- 2 tsp. baking powder
- 2 cups milk
- 3 2/3 cups of flour

Optional (variations we think are equally mouthwatering)
- 1 tsp. cinnamon
- 1 tsp. dark chocolate (melted)
- 1 tsp. honey

Make the batter by beating the eggs and sugar together. Gradually add the milk and dry ingredients, including the optional ones. Cook in hot vegetable oil until golden brown (a few minutes, depending on heat). Cool in tray for a few minutes, then dig in.


Also found a rendition of Reel People doing Stevie Wonder's Goden Lady, loved it, is it better than the original???

Fatherhood of Today

Happy Fathers day to all those men out there thats handling business of being great fathers to kids thats are around today...........

I just wanted to explain what I observe in how fatherhood is being looked at today. I know Im not a father or even married or dating yet, but I just wanted to say on what Im seeing. This is a holiday where we should recognize the men that are actually accepting the role, this is not Sperm-Donor Day. A key thing I see is that the good fathers of today are being overshadowed by the bad fathers, just people keep talking about the bad fathers so often.

I know some people plan to have kids, most of them is out of surprise. But usually, the man has to step up because we now see examples of what happens of households that does not have a father figure there. Im not saying a household is weak w/o a father, Im just saying not every household can go w/o one. Dont believe me, just turn the TV on to Maury. I know its questionable on how real it is, but notice a lot of times when they have those troubled children episodes, its usually mother and daughter, the father is nowhere in those episodes. Also, even when there is a father in the house, he still has to learn to put his foot down & say what needs to be said. A father's words can be the difference between good choices & bad choices. Sometimes a father's words can be the difference between a person living a great life & a person who might be behind bars.

But also, to certain Women out there, if a man that is no longer w/ you BUT he is willing to be a good father to his child, LET HIM BE!!! Im hearing too many stories on women that will blast a man or will stalk or even put a man on child support ONLY because the father of her child does not want that relationship w/ her. This is 2011, I know its easier for people to break up now than it was in the past, but its rare to find a good father around these days. This might be a lil off topic, but also I heard stories of single women who turn their backs to their own kids only because they were lonely & chose a random man over their kids. If a man you meet does not accepts your kids, then really he does not accept you. If you just trust God & have patience, a man will come in to love you & your kids. Also, women, if you have sons, explain to them about what it means for a woman to find a good man, I know you can't teach him fully to be a man, but you can explain him stuff to where hopefully he doesnt follow to be a dead-beat.

I know I shouldn't, but I often question what would life had been like if my dad was still around. Would my family still would have been in Hot Springs?? Would I have still gotten my education in Memphis?? Would I have been a different person?? Either way, I still remember how great of a man my dad was. A great Father, Husband, Provider, and he was a part of the community of our city.

Men, we have to look around us. We are living in a time where we actually see the effects of having a father in the house and NOT having a active, loving father in the house. If you have kids, continue to bring wisdom into their lives. If you havent been in your kids lives, you may need to start, because your wisdom & examples can go a long way. If you are not a father yet, observe those who are fathers & see if you can identify who is being a good father, a bad father, and a sperm-donor.

BIG Shout-outs to God, My Dad, My Uncles, My Big Cousins, & the men at Union Missionary Baptist Church in Hot Springs, Ark for their guidance & for being male role models for me growing up & guiding me on the right path to manhood.

Its Friday, where the drinks at??

Great day, but what makes it even better is that the sun is NOT out today..............

So I was on facebook Yesterday and I saw a friend of mine with the following status:

"I don't think I'm old enough for my bf to leave me for a younger woman.... I think that would be referred to as cradle robbing in the literal sense"

Then today I saw a status today saying:

"thinking how much i would enjoy being single right now....."

Is it me, or am I reading in too hard on this?? I thought there was a rule saying that you should not air out ALL your business on Facebook. Everyone is on it, parents, family, co-workers, the mailman, The pet Dog (I know 2 cases of dogs having their own pages) and everyone else. Even if you are not friends w/ them, there is a chance they might see whats going on in your FB page. Dont know if its for attention or she done something we dont know about. There is another thing about this girl: She is 37 weeks prego. I don't know if she is having mood swings or not. Also, it has her as In A Relationship w/ (name) so dude should already be seeing this on her page. So he sees a status of 1) His girl saying he not gonna leave & 2) His girl might want to be single. I know her as a former co-worker of mine, Pull her aside about it being improper to vent that or just let it be??

And I was thinking of talking about Dave Chappelle today, yet it was confirmed that he would NOT go into a new show. I think he should be able to come back, just in a different format. I remember that he did the movie about the concert in NY. The next show he does: He could be a host for a Neo-Soul Show, past, present, & upcoming acts, I think it could actually work, yet I dont know if BET would be a mature station to carry it. Another option may be for him to be a host for Def Poetry Jam, to see how that goes.

Have a great weekend & dont forget to hug the nearest guy next to you, and if you a guy, proceed w/ caution lmao

Welp...........

It was a good day today. I actually got off early today, told my sister that I would take her to the book fair at our nearby library today. We didnt see anything to buy, she said she was either too old for some of the stuff in there or she didnt like it. I was browsing around the library & behold I found a video game that I may play this weekend: DC Comics vs. Mortal Kombat. I hardly been playing yet I thought about giving it a try & it was there at the library to rent at no charge.

But I was also thinking about what I wrote yesterday, and thought of something else in mind. Earlier today, I was listening to 112's song called Player (I think it was the title). So what dude was saying was that he was going to leave girl, yet when he is finished w/ being a player, he would settle down w/ her. I understand that it is good to settle down w/ someone & have a future w/ them, but I don't believe in settling down for only certain reasons.

I know there were a few of us that had this situation growing up; Mom may have told you that water is good for you. There were times where we only drink water because there was no koolaid (or gatorade in my case) so you had to settle for drinking water. You may drink water only until mom or yourself was able to buy or make koolaid. What Im trying to say is if you want to settle down, make sure you doing it because the other person is special to you & they love you, not because of certain situations. If you are a player, don't settle because you feel its "just that time" or you feel you losing your MOJO w/ getting the ladies, because how do you know it fully left your system?? How do you know that MOJO haven't took a vacation?? To single people w/ kids, dont choose someone just because you feel no one is going to accept you w/ kids, because if one person is able to, another person might be able to if you just wait long enough. Or maybe if you are an ugly individual, you find someone, but then certain "things" start to happen. I know there are men & women out there that basically settled down because of the wrong reasons, then what happens is that they may see something else they like, or someone else takes attention to them. You pretty much have to talk to God about that soulmate & have that patience he will send someone to you.

If you want to find a good person, GOOD, but don't wait to find that good person after something happens, like having a child, getting old, or whatever, you should be looking for that good person now. Not many people today will play the rebound role or the safety net role, so thats why its important to do screening before you date or lay down w/ someone.

I'm out, but finishing up some stuff on here. I found a website that has some good news & downloads of Neo-Soul Cafe, Im still downloading stuff off it & gonna enjoy the night listening to it

Self-Worth

Forgot to mention this in my last blog, but major Congrats to the Dallas Mavs for taking home the NBA Championship!! A great city, some of the coolest people there, the city deserves it.........................until Memphis claims it next year lol. But seriously, I just hope Dallas doesnt get treated like Detroit a few years back: You beat a so-called superteam to win the Championship, yet the news was more focused on the team that lost than the team that won. Dallas beat BOTH the Lakers & Miami, they played as a team, if you have a problem on who won, you better write to your favorite NBA team & tell them to do better.

Everything been going good so far this week. I actually gotten a call from my mom's friend that works at a bank across town. She told me that she may have found someone that could sponsor me whenever I take my Series 7 Exam. But she told that she want to help me study for it this summer, also she mentioned to me that there is a prep course for it being held this summer, just got to get the paperwork to register for it. Been reading my study guide almost nightly, as well as having some study cards loaded onto my computer, anything else I can get my hands on will be very helpful for me.

But some advice I really want to give today is no matter what, you have to find a way to keep your self-worth at a high level. There are just people around that dont really know their worth & are just going to accept less than what they deserve. A reason for this is I saw the movie The Savages last night. The brother ended up letting the woman he love for numerous years be deported back to her own country just because he didnt want to commit to being married, the sister was knowingly having an affair w/ a married man. You saw in the movie that these 2 people's problems stemmed from the father being distant from both of their lives. The thing is I see that in the real world: People are out here accepting less. If you feel like you don't amount to shit, what are you going to do about it to make yourself better??

And sometimes when you have that low self-esteem about yourself, some of the most evil & worthless people can pick that up & may either take advantage of you or will leave you alone. This time last year, I was still a lil down after breaking up w/ my ex. Suddenly I had this girl add me on facebook & was suddenly asking me was I seeing someone & sent another message on did I have a number she could call me on. She basically smell of thirstiness. I checked out her profile, saw we only had 2 friends in common: My homeboy & his wife. I later found out that she was the wife's homegirl & the wife told her that I just got out of a relationship & that I would be vulnerable to her, and I made enough money for her to be a housewife. How did the girl look?? Imagine Pertuna Pig, Porky's girlfriend. Im not shallow, but I dont believe in trying to jump on someone right after they broke up w/ someone.

Overall, you have to learn to love yourself. Even w/ certain events that happen in your life, you know you have to rebound & realize that you are never meant to be a bottom-feeder. If you let someone feed you bullshit on your worth, you might just fall into a trap. You may need to just sit down & ask Who am I?? How can I build my worth so I can get the best things out of life rather than just accepting anything??

Growing Up...............

It was an OK weekend, thank God for making it through. I really didnt do much, but it was somewhat productive. Me & my bro got to go downtown Friday night yet returned early because he had to help his mom get everything packed for her trip to TX for a funeral. The strange thing was that the mom left at 1am late Friday night, went to the funeral, then returned to Hot Springs about Midnight on Saturday, 8 hours to get to her destination, 8 hours to get back. So homie had me to come over Sat night to help him study for his history exam, he has summer school he had to take for his degree. I swear that trying to tutor someone w/ ADD is harder than it looks. I arived at the house, he was playing video games. I got him off it, I helped him do an outline to study & even showed him what pages to look at. Noticed he was falling asleep during reading yet was up when the TV was on, so although I was helping him to understand the topics, I keep jamming the book in his face telling him he needed to read, I know he may have hated me for it, but if you call me over to help you study, thats what we doing. He even talked about going out to see what was going on, yet I made sure he stayed on course. I was at that house til about 5 that morning.

Just made me think of some of the things I went through in these past few years. Believe it or not, I had 2 offers to be someone's roommate these past few months, one wanted to move into my home, another talking about sharing an apartment. Im just at that point where I dont need them anymore, in fact, actually trying to make things happen solo. Thats was one of the reasons why I decided not to move back to Memphis; time to move on & just take that next step in life. In Memphis, I know only a handful of people that have acted grown, and most of them are planning to move out the city to better places in a few years. I know I made a few mistakes on the way trying to do stuff by myself, but Im still learning. Just seeing that theres people out here that are too afraid to do grown-up things. We just live in a time where "Act your age" dosnt matter anymore. Sometimes if you have personal responsibilities, you may have to sacrifice some things in life. Guys, especially some of my frat bruhs, when you are in college, its only should last you 4-5 years & thats it, you there to get your degree. You cant see your fraternity as your only source of enjoyment in life, neither are the women that are on campus. The women that are out in the real world, I know they are not as loose as some of these girls you hang with, but they have their lives together & have accomplished more things in their lives. Im still active in certain aspects but just dont really do much party-wise anymore (or maybe thats because I live in a horrid city now). And I know some people are trying to become DJs & Party Promoters as well; if you are gonna do it, dont do it for the wrong reason. And by wrong reason, I mean that you dont want to leave that certain party scene to move on w/ life and you dont want to really work in the real world. 2 party promoters I know, one on ATL & one in Little Rock, they are both successful, yet they also have other things going on in life, one works for the government, the other works in real estate.

But the key thing is that we have to face that real world. We could do what we can, but we cant run from the responsibility of maturing. I myself wanted to move out of here, but I understand that I responsibilities here, including handling my 14-yr-old sis starting high school, her dad is nowhere around & Im the closest male she looks up to. Also just having to make sure my mom is taken care of. I do want to own a house in the future, just I dont know if its gonna be here. Im pushing real hard for my mom & sis to move down to TX to be closer to family. I just remember how my dad was: He gotten his degree, he married my mom & gotten a job & house in Hot Springs, and he had me, he died when I was 10, yet I still remembered how he was able to handle business, and I want to be like him. But just learn to handle yours, and things will fall into place, and some things that fall into place might be better than what you originally wanted in the first place.

The "Victim Role"

Just in the cut...........

Maybe its what Im seeing in people for a good while now. I know that Spring & Summer time is the season when most people decide to get out of relationships. But what I notice is that over the years, there have been many women that get out of relationships & start blasting their exes on what he done to them. My thoughts on this exclude rape & violence victims. The thing that bothers me is if there are too many people out there that abuse the victim role, just using it to gain attention to themselves. We understand some of you went through some things, yet you have to understand you have to heal. My homie's wife (or soon-to-be ex-wife) has been throwing all types of comments about how she is stronger w/o him & how she wasnt gonna go & take shit anymore. I talked to my homie about this, he said he didnt do anything to her, but its becoming a he said, she said thing now. The thing is do some of us put more energy blasting exes than trying to fix relationships? Or the question is Do people want to look a certain way coming out of a relationship?? This is hard to put in words but Im trying.

Sometime I look at people being a victim like having a cast on your leg; people suppose to heal, yet there are some who use it to get attention & may keep it on longer than it should be on. Stop trying to use the victim role to get attention, try to use the good aspects of yourself to gain that attention. I have been done dirty in the past myself yet but I'm not gonna bring it up over & over again so I could have people feel sorry for me, you gonna see those great characteristics that makes me a good guy to be around.

This was a lil hard for me to write, didnt know how to put it in words.

All from me today, have a great weekend. What Im gonna do?? Don't know yet..........

Wet Wednesday

Busy so far this week, going on some things I had to finish up, basically hit work running

As some people may know, my lil sis made 9th grade cheerleader for the upcoming year, her 1st year in high school. She already been doing her practices, mom been telling me that she still having to work out this summer. Sis told me that she has to jog a 12-min mile, so when she finally gets out of school for the summer, I plan on taking her w/ me to workouts & running in the morning.

I try to do other stuff besides sports, yet the stories I'm hearing about Ohio State is becoming quite interesting. In a span of 8 days, your football program loses its top coach AND your starting QB to NCAA sanctions. I read some stories about Terrell Pryor quitting, its his senior year, he should have just stuck it out & be held for his responsibilities, stayed & finish his degree at least. They said that some of these athletes had problems paying rent & bills, yet didnt some of these athletes have that option of getting free room & board rather than going off-campus?? Maybe there are things Im missing. I read an article saying because Pryor left OSU now, he doesnt have to go to court about what happened. I always felt that this kind of activity in major schools happen almost everywhere, its just those that get caught or those that cant keep their mouth shut that end up making the news. OSU fans: I do feel sorry for you all, yet even if they are helping the school win games, if they did the crime, they have to face the consequences.

Ended up running twice yesterday, 2nd time I went after work. But last night I also went to my homeboy's crib to watch Game 4 of the NBA Finals, got home late around 11 or so. Now my homie is a mad video game lover, the diff between us is that he more into role-playing games & Im more into the sports games. He was playing this game, called Dante's Inferno, but the main character basically had to go to hell to fight demons. In the beginning of the game, the character was sewing a big cross on his bare chest. I watched dude play this, played for at least a good hour but I got tired when he was trying to beat that 3 headed monster in the Gluttony stage of hell. Maybe thats just me, but I never believe in religion being mixed in w/ gaming concepts.

But yeah, just in a lil hurry today, have to get off work & finish some errands today

On the porch

Nothing on tv today so Im out here on my porch sippin & doing some thinking. May just needed some quietness from a long week. Birds are chirping, wheres the crackhead to make things complete?? Lol

Just one of those times where I can reflect on life. The one thing I know Im doing now is doing what I can to make my life enjoyable to be in. There have been times where I ended up staying away from certain people because they keep complaining about nothing happens to them. But the thing is that I feel people these days dont want to take responsibility for their own happiness & excitement. They just expect someone to come in and make things interesting. Why you not trying to get your own bordom out??? You really cant blame someone else because your life is boring or in fact, you cant blame someone else for you being a Lameass.

SN: Women, dont expect a man to bring excitement or happiness into your lives, you need to learn how to bring that into your own lives first

And when I mean making life interesting, I dont mean finding drama to get into. I dont mean findind a bad person to be around when you know damn well they gonna get you in trouble. I know homies right now in trouble because they followed someone rather than be responsible for making things happen.

I dont want to be a souce of someone`s entertainment and I dont want to rely on someone else to find my own happiness. I am accountable for me & what I do. Dont sit on your ass & think something gonna fall on your lap, go & do something,as long as you not trying to kill folks.

Well, my drink is gone & still warm out here. Havent really ate anything yet today, dont want to starve myself.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO FIND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS???

Some favorite songs/vids

Happy Friday!! Just want to put up some of my jams I listen to, what I bang to:

Al B. Sure - I Love it (Ay yi yi)



Gary Taylor - Rest My Lips



Mike Phillips - If it takes all night



Cherrelle - Saturday Love



Norman Brown - Won't You Stay



Coco Brown - Sundress




You have a great weekend & dont forget to drink all the water you can on this hot weekend & days coming up. I might write later when I get the chance.

Oh My Damn.................

Seem like hell did a relocation lol. But really, when June 1st hit, it HIT. Checked the weather, High of 90+ degrees all this week. Hope everyone drinks water & hope no one passes out, its just the beginning. Im about to punck this computer because it can't make up its mind on when its gonna finish downloading this mixtape, one min its saying 30 min, the next an hour, then back to 30 mins. I somehow went Downtown twice this morning before noon, once was for running, then on my way to work, found someone's Bank of America debit card, so I dropped it off at that bank.

Dallas needs to come on if they want to win this series. Its just Game 1, but you let Lebron & dem have an inch, they might take that mile & more. Peja, where were you in Game 1?? Also, Dallas needs to get it together in the paint, Tyson C. only had 4 rebounds.

I blogged yesterday about the issue I was having w/ my cousin in Lil Rock, some new discoveries have been made. I have a cousin in Hope, AR that has contacted me about what was going on, he told me she CHOSE to transfer to the Walgreens in Hot Springs, they didnt just put her there for no reason. In fact, he told me she was offered a position in SW Little Rock. Also he telling me that the remodeling for the store (if any) would take more than a month if its really happening. So as far as I know, she not gonna be staying w/ me, I can be the bad cousin & she might snitch about me, but w/ telling 2 diff things to 2 diff people about whats going on, Im putting my foot down & she wont be at my home until I know 100% on whats really going on.

But really nothing much else planned for this weekend. My mom sent me an email about a possible family get-together in Houston next month. Really thinking of going, everything is not 100% planned for this summer. But this weather already got me drained, wheres my water & my bed??